“My mother, now aged 92, has been living with us for about 30 years. We moved house when she was 80 and she had her own home attached to ours. She managed very well but I was always there to keep an eye and to do things for her like shopping and driving her around”.
“Her memory began to slowly worsen but it’s only to be expected when people get older. I didn’t realise how bad it had become until one day I went out. I had told her where I was going and when I would be back. When I returned she was very agitated and had been hunting for me all over the house and garden. From that time on I was unable ever to leave her alone”.
After a while the situation became intolerable and Louise went to her surgery pleading for help. Fortunately the surgery had a carer’s support worker, Nicky, and the GP was able to refer her. She was able to chat to Nicky who could see that she was at the end of her tether and recommended that she saw a carer’s counsellor.
“I don’t know what I might have done if she hadn’t. I was quite dubious at first but what a relief to be able to unburden myself to someone who would listen and not judge me. I was feeling guilty enough as it was”.
From Louise’s description the councillor recognised that her mother had dementia and advised her to seek an assessment and diagnosis. Nicky also helped her to find out about benefits and put her in touch with the Carer’s link but before she was able to use the ‘Take a Break Scheme’ things had got so much worse that the family decided it was time for mother to go into a care home.
“I put off making the decision for a while and considered all the other options, converting my house to bring in live-in care etc but in the end I knew that it was the best option for both of us. Mother has a room in a lovely home, though she really doesn’t know where she is. It was very difficult to leave her there on her first day and my daughter was wonderful. I visit every other day now and am able to take her for outings”.
“Mother and I have maintained our loving relationship which is the most important thing – I don’t know what might have happened if I hadn’t gone for help that day. I’m so grateful for all the support that I have had from Nicky and from the Carers Counsellor. We are very fortunate to have them”.
Louise Burnell
